Praying for Answers--from God and the Neurologist

In just two more days, we will make the trek down to Loxahatchee for Brandt's first visit with the neurologist.

I did a lot of searching around to find a highly accredited pediatric neurologist. The neurologist I chose comes with a highly extensive background. He graduated from UCLA with residencies at Harvard Medical Center and Miami Children's Hospital. He has 17 years of experience, and seems to have good patient reviews.

I'm really nervous and anxious for Brandt's first appointment because I just have no idea what to expect. Our local pediatrician warned us that the neurologist might give him a quick look-over and ask us to come back in six months... I don't know if I can handle that--six months of waiting and wondering. Six months of unanswered questions--and if we go back in six months and the problems still persist, will it be more waiting and wondering to follow? When will we have answers?

I try to dismiss what the pediatrician has prefaced me with, and I try to remain hopeful that I have enough documentation from Brandt's ITDS worker and neuro-opthomologist in order to get him the testing necessary. I just want to know what we are up against. Is it just a developmental delay? Will he eventually catch up? Or, is it something more complex that will require a lifetime of attention and care? What caused all of this? I, more than anything, want to find out that I am just a neurotic mother, but my heart tells me it is more than that.

Every visit with Brandt's doctors and therapists gets harder; I die a little bit more inside each day. Still, I know that I am Brandt's biggest advocate right now. No one else will fight for my child the way that I do--it is up to me to provide him with whatever resources he may need.

I say a prayer each night for Brandt, and for all children with special needs. Tonight's prayer is going to be a little different. I will say a little prayer for strength and courage. As we travel to the neurologist, I pray that I can stand up for Brandt's rights and insist on immediate testing, rather than the "6 months of waiting" suggested by my pediatrician. I pray this neurologist will be able to provide my son with the best care possible, and I pray that the results help me to find a shimmer of hope.