Just Want to do Right

In going into this adventure with Brandt, all I have ever wanted to do is just do what is right for him. Doing what is right has not as come easy.

Each doctor visit and procedure has come at a price.s first comes the marital strife it has caused because of four polar opposite opinions. then comes the dangers associated with each procedure. Believe Me, I make myself crazy weighing all of the pros and cons.

Brandt is scheduled for three MRIs of the spine today. Because we have attempted this procedure Nero and went through utter hell in the process, I have been having a hard time deciding if I really awaited to put Brandt through it again.

first of all, it is a draining day--both mentally and physically. The whole day with pre-op, the procedure, and recovery takes around 7 hours. That's 7 hrs of me rocking him, pacing up and down the hall with him, playing with anything we can find, and trying to keep him content when he is starving.

Last time, Brandt's respiration wasn't so good, and they only had him on a mild oral sedation. this time, they said he has to be under full general anesthesia because of his post nasal drip, which brings a whole other concern he'll be under for around 3 hrs, and he doesn't ever wake up too happy from sedatives.

Darrin had suggested that we wait three months and see if he is walking then, which would make Brandt 19months old. Although I never told me, I heavily considered it. The idea of having to do MRIs again at the hospital of hell was none too appealing for me, and I certainly  did not want to put Brandt under unnecessary risks. He is my world, and I hate ruining his. So, I tossed up the idea of waiting, and at one point that is what I had decided to do.

Still, the idea of something being wrong with Brandt and going undetected did not sit well with my mommy gut, so yesterday I decided to go forward with the MRIs. Even if he does walk in 3 months, that does not mean that he doesn't have a tethered cord or the more mild form of spina bifida--and I have a family history of spina bifida. So, while Darrin's idea of waiting was good in theory, Brandt walking wouldn't cancel out the possibility of having a spinal abnormality. and, if I as. Mother was the reason something went undetected, I would feel horrible. So, today 8 have to put on my big girl panties and be strong for my son.

The fact of the matter is, Brandt is 16months old, and just took his first three steps yesterday (before he tumpled down to the floor on his face!). There has to be something that is causing this delay. Clearly you can see I have a scientific line of thought. I would like to believe that his fat butt is just too heavy for him to balance yet, but I just don't know.

So, time to go pull out those big girl panties and get this day done with.