It is so hard and draining when Brandt is sick. There are the frequent diaper changes, refusal to eat or drink, sleepless nights, napless days, and constant irritability. But, when Brandt is sick, there is so much to it than just fighting the symptoms.
When Brandt is sick, it means we lose time from developing and strengthening his muscles. And when he is sick every other week, he loses A LOT of time. When he is sick, he gets extreme muscle fatigue--he falls over or drops his legs for no reason, struggles to pull up, and has difficulty sitting with stability. Last night, he was sitting flat on the floor, and then all the sudden he just fell back--a huge thud as his head hit the tile. It can be very scary at times. And, at times, it can be draining because I feel like we have to start over every time he gets sick. From the beginning, we have to work up to a routine of building his agility and strength.
And, then, comes the loneliness and exhaustion for me. At least two days a week, we are at a doctor's office of some sort--none of which are ever a quick in and out. On Brandt's doctor appointment days, I have to pack a diaper bag for the whole day and pray that somewhere in there Brandt will lay down for a nap in his stroller. It takes a lot of patience to wait in room after room for hours before seeing a doctor--and then to do that with a tired baby is down-right miserable.
But, then, when he's sick, we're at home in isolation--desperate to keep him hydrated, given breathing treatments regularly, and away from any other germs. There comes a point where doctor's appointments become a novelty for me because it breaks up the mundane days at home with a sick baby.
As much as I love having time with my son, I sometimes need a break from reality for some adult interactions. But, the truth is that no break, no matter how long, will make it okay. Nothing can make this okay, and nothing can take this feeling away.
And so passes another mundane day...
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