Coming out of the Closet

Slowly, I've been opening up to people about all the battles we are going through with Brandt. About two months ago, I told the teachers in my grade group, and then a month ago I started a blog and shared the link with my facebook friends. Then I told my school committee members. I started adding more teachers from the school to Facebook, knowing they'd see the link. And, yesterday, I finally put a paper in each teacher's mailbox, inviting them to join my blog. And, through the grapevine, my boss found out, too.

When I approached my boss about taking a day off, she told me she had read my blog. At first, I was amazed that someone of her stature would take the time to read my silly, little blog. Then, I was perplexed that she hadn't heard others in the office talking about it. Nonetheless, she had read it now, and everything was out there in the open. It was such a huge, tremendous relief. I keep replaying the conversation I had with her, and it just relieves and amazes me how sensitive and understanding she was to the situation. At one point in our conversation, I wanted to cry and in the next breath I was speaking of strength and determination for my son. After all of that, I now have a new, deeper level of respect for her. I am now able to view her as not just my boss, but also a person.

Earlier this week, which just so happened to be the day that the neurologist called me back about his elevated levels of acylocarnitine, I was in the office trying to calm myself down, went to my mailbox, and found the sweetest thing--a card and a bag of cookies from another teacher trying to show her support. It was coincidental timing, but it meant the absolute world to me because in that moment, the only thing I had going for me was a few delicious cookies. LOL

As each person has found out, it has become easier. I don't feeling like I'm walking around with a mask on. I don't have to face the daily questions of "how's that baby? Is he crawling yet? Is he walking? Is he talking?" When people don't know about the situation, they don't know how badly those questions hurt and bother me. When I told my committee that I needed help, I didn't feel so bad. Sadly, because these people were unaware, I felt awful when I stepped down as treasurer for next year. Everyone kept saying, "Why are you leaving us? You did such a good job this year!"

Each day does get a little easier, and I kept pressing forward, now with a little more support. Coming out of the closet about all of this took a lot of courage, but it was something that has brought a lot of strength, too. God bless my family, friends, and colleagues for all of their support!