Back to Battling

It has been two years since we closed a very intimate chapter in our lives, that is, Battling for Brandt. When we closed the book, we knew it was just a chapter and that other chapters were still to be written.

And, so they begin....

Tonight I find myself so completely overcome with emotion for what is to come. The transition to school has been hard, indescribably so, and my heart brakes for Brandt. I knew we were going to have struggle. I knew it was going to be hard, but I had no idea that it was going to be this intense.

I cannot even put into words what has happened, what is happening, or what is to come. The emotions, the heartache, the fears. For now, I will ride the emotions and press forward with hope that we will find a way to make it through. I will place my faith in God, and I will look within my heart to guide me in the next direction.

I cannot even explain how hard it is to walk down the halls or to enter a room of people who know my most intimate of secrets. I see the looks in their eyes--some of pity, some of empathy, and some of the latter. My telling eyes tell a story larger than my lips can utter. Through my eyes, miles of struggles and strife unfold before you--and not a word is ever spoken. I can protect my son and I can guide him along, but I cannot change the truth. I cannot change the harsh realities we face.

Tonight, as I snuggled Brandt in bed, I gently rubbed his head as he fell asleep. We talked about feelings, and we talked about love. We talked about fears, and we talked about strength. But, mostly, we held each other close. Perhaps, closer than ever before. And, as he drifted off, all of the emotions of a chapter once closed began to re-open.

While I know that I can do this, while I know that I can fight like hell to advocate for my son, I question why I am being challenged. I have never had my faith tested so much--trial after trial. God, give me greatness; God give me grace. I will get through this. I will do whatever it takes to Battle for Brandt.