Thursday, January 17, 2013

Paying for 2012

Well, 2012 was none too kind to us. Unfortunately, we will be paying for 2012 well into 2013.

2013 has greeted us with a series of medical bills and collection calls. But, to gain a true understanding of just how hard 2012 impacted us, you have to see it from a financial standpoint.

In 2012, Brandt had
49 Doctor's Appointments,
8 Outpatient Procedures,
10 Emergency Room Visits,
14 Lab Workups with close to 50 different tests
3 Days Impatient Hospitalization, and
65 Prescriptions Filled

Bills totaled: $146,145.00
Insurance paid: $52,954.29
Out-of-Pocket Expenses: $6,200.97

Oh, but wait, that does not include travel expenses.

We have spent approximately
$700 on gas
$150 on 1 night hotel stay
$500 on food
$540 in lost wages

So, now we are looking at closer to $8,090. Let's not forget that all of those are Brandt's bills ONLY. We had an additional $1,953.70 in out-of-pocket expenses for the rest of our household. So, in 2012, we got hit with a grand total of $10,043.70. That is an average of $836.98 in out-of-pocket medical expenses per month. And, who budgets for that?!? Yikes!

I never mention the financial end of Brandt because I know that we are fortunate that it is not worse. I know it could be much worse. And, it just doesn't matter. He's my kid, and I will do everything for him that he needs. Money should never be a factor in his care. You do what you have to do, and you find a way to make it all happen. I wouldn't even bother mentioning it now, but it has become a very consuming part of my life in recent weeks, and it is an honest component in the journey of raising a child with special needs.

We generally tackle each bill as they come, either before the procedure or at the time of the visit. However, sometimes we have to wait for hospitals to submit the bills to the insurance company, and wait for our portion to be assessed.

And, so, after the waiting process, we got hit with a very rotten situation where the insurance company was not covering the ER physician's bills for three separate visits--hitting us with $1,180.56. Apparently, the ER physician was out-of-network, despite the fact that Brandt went to an in-network hospital. Go figure. I've been going round-and-round with the insurance company for two weeks. Despite the fact that the physician's medical biller told me they would put the account of a 60 day hold, that did not stop them from sending us into collections. And, at the same time, I got billed $528.75 for Brandt's hospitalization and ambulatory transportation from when he had pneumonia; it was an expected bill but bad timing. So, I have close to $2k in outstanding medical bills.

Ordinarily, this would not phase me. I am a logical problem-solver, and I always find a way to work things out. But, it really is a matter of poor timing. All of this hit at the same time as the passing of Darrin's mom. Due to unfortunate circumstances, she did not have any insurance and we were left covering half of the funeral expense. Coping with the financial and emotional responses to this have been overwhelming.

And then, BAM, we get smacked with an on-slot of medical bills and collection calls.

And, as if that is not enough, suddenly everyone around me is trying to play doctor and tell me what is wrong with Brandt. Part of me feels like it is really not their place to give opinions or size-up my kid, while the other part of me thinks I need to be more receptive to people's thoughts to better guide the medical decisions and care that I choose. Yet, it is hard to hear--no matter how many times I hear it. And, unless you have a special needs child, you will never truly understand the depth of pain you feel for your child when words like that are uttered. Heart racing, face flushed, palms sweaty, exhausted, drained, weakened, defeated, back against the wall.... Like someone beat me up and left me for dead--heart ripped out and stomped on. It truly is an indescribable feeling. He is my precious boy and that is all that matters. And, I can't even get into the details as to what exactly was said because it hurt that much, and I just can't relive it today.

And, so, all I want to do is lock myself in a room. No lights. No noise. No one around. And fall to my knees. Back against the wall. And just pray.

And, maybe this is the time when I need prayer the most.

Dear God, Help us find faith to sort through the things we can't make sense of or understand. Help us find comfort in knowing that you have taken a good one and given her comfort. Help us find strength to keep pushing forward. Help us to find a way out of the darkness and back into light. Give us endurance and guidance to see what is best, and cast away our fears of uncertainty and judgement. In you we trust. Forever and Always. Amen.

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